Page 3

Quote of the day:

"When the Journal gets its Page 3 girls, we'll make sure they have M.B.A.s."

— Rupert Murdoch, on his attempt to purchase the Wall Street Journal

Household Explosives, Redux

It's always fun to check out the Site Meter stats (icon at the bottom of the page). Since I've been inactive for the last couple of years, most of the visits I've had are people looking for something else. I wrote about this in Referral, where somebody was looking for "pocket sized witch detectors". I still have no idea what they were after.

Far and away the most common search that's finding me is for "household explosives". The searches find "What's Your Household Like?", which is almost certainly not what they're looking for.

I suspect that the folks doing the searches are looking to make explosives out of stuff they already have lying around. The one comment on the post suggests this. Folks, if you're thinking of trying this. one word of advice. Don't

The World's Dirtiest Joke

A new act comes in to a vaudeville booker. It's a man, a woman, a little girl, and a little dog. They're all well dressed and clean-cut and wholesome looking.

"So what's your act?" the agent asks.

"It's kind of hard to describe", the man replies. "We'll show you."

So they start into a sweet little song-and-dance number. However, it starts to change. Soon is is the most ghastly, obscene routine imaginable. It's the kind of act that would be banned in Thailand.

(This is what makes this the World's Dirtiest Joke — it's all in your head. I'm sure you can think of things that would gross you out totally that I might consider a mildly boring kink, and vice versa. Just imagine the grossest thing you possibly can.)

As the act comes to a close, it changes back to a sweet little song-and-dance. They've worked cleaning themselves up and rearranging clothing into the act, so that when they finish, they're all clean-cut and wholesome looking again.

The agent is aghast. "Well, what do you think of it?" the man asks.

The agent is speechless. He tries to think of something to say, but all that comes out is "What do you call your act"?

"The Aristocrats"

The metaphor is obvious.

New Template!!

Woohoo!

The old one was nice for its time, but it was seriously long in the tooth. It used lots of tables for layout, and was quite cluttered. Blogger doesn't seem to have the little graphics that did these table outlines any more. Sic transit Web.

I've tried to keep the CSS down to a set that any modern browser can handle. If not, it'll work just fine without it. The only Javascript is for the comments and site counter. When I figure out an acceptably obfuscated way of handling mailto: URLs, it may use Javascript.

Naturally, I'm not completely happy with the template. In particular, I'm not sure about the popups. They're CSS, not Javascript, so they'll work properly on non-CSS or text browsers. I don't know if I like having the sidebar boxes as popups or not. If you have an opinion one way or the other, please leave me a message in the comments. After all, it'll be mutating anyway. What about the popup lists coming up over the post text? The template doesn't need the extra width, and if I start getting a zillion hits, there's lots of room for Blogads. (Ha!)

Some general coments

• The font for the posts is set to the default font. If you don't like it, or it's the wrong size, check your own browser settings.
• If one of the popup lists goes off the bottom of the screen, you can navigate in it by putting your cursor somewhere inside the list and using the arrow keys or the scroll wheel to go up and down.
• I may or may not go back and add tags to old posts. It's probably not worth the effort.
• The "No comment" section is just a bunch of random links that I find interesting, for some reason. They'll come or go at whim.
• The template is set up to resize properly. I hate having to side-scroll to read something. (I'm lookin' at you, LiveJournal.)

Anyway, we'll see if it works!